Never Fall Out of Love At the Same Time

The most significant worldly decision you make in life isn't what you do, where you live, or even your outlook. It's who you marry.

What's wild about that monumental decision is that most people make it when they're young and fueled by physical attraction. And it turns out there's a reason for that. Because if you knew in advance everything you would endure with the person you're making a lifelong commitment to, you probably wouldn't sign up.

A few years ago, my in-laws were celebrating a meaningful anniversary and took the whole family out to dinner. It was a beautiful gesture. But the real gift came from the sommelier.

He caught wind of the occasion, came over to congratulate them, and asked what lesson they had learned most in marriage. After my mother-in-law gave a thoughtful answer about never going to bed mad, he leaned in with something I've never forgotten.

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"That's a great lesson. I've been walking around this restaurant for 15 years asking couples celebrating anniversaries that same question. And my favorite answer came from a couple celebrating their 60th. The wife looked at me and said, 'Never fall out of love at the same time.'"

Mic drop.

Today, Amy and I celebrate our 15th anniversary. It's been filled with incredible highs, two amazing kids, family vacations, moments I wouldn't trade for anything. It's also included some painful lows. Miscarriages, business challenges, and family division. The roller coaster of life doesn't ask for your permission.

But that's the point. The question was never whether a marriage would face adversity. It's whether you both decide, in advance, to never fall out of love at the same time. What’s wild is that nothing we have done in the past guarantees we won’t fall out of love at the same time, and this doesn’t mean to judge anyone whose marriage didn’t last, because mine isn’t guaranteed to last in the future either.

Either way, this is your reminder: the most significant decision you'll ever make is who you marry. And if you want it to last, that's the only rule you need.

Never fall out of love at the same time.

P.S. To Amy: I admire you more than you know. I'm aware I'm not the easiest person to be married to, and I know we are opposites in more ways than one. But going through life with you has been an incredible blessing. I can’t wait for others to experience the gift of your writing voice, as I have. I hope I've lived out what Father Roux told me in marriage prep: "John, it's your job to help your wife get to heaven."

Happy anniversary.

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The roller coaster of life doesn’t ask for permission.