Too many of us have an "I should" relationship with ourselves. Doesn't matter if you're young or old; it's an easy trap to fall into. "I should have done this." "I should have done that."

I heard it from my 14-year-old son during a Father's Day round of golf. He missed a putt and said, "I should have made that." Hit a drive short and said, "I should have hit it further."

I stopped that language the second I heard it, because "I should" produces shame. And shame isn't the same as guilt. Guilt says something you did was wrong. Shame says something about who you are is wrong.

A mentor of mine put it this way: "Shame is the chains that keep bad habits in place."

Here's how the pattern plays out:

The pivot is simple, even if it doesn't feel that way at first. Swap "I should" for "I choose."

"I choose to practice my short game." "I choose to work on my drive." “I choose to be positive.” Same situation, completely different emotional charge. Instead of marinating in the idea that something is wrong with you, you become an active participant in the solution.

Today, catch yourself or someone else in the moment "I should" shows up. Then make the pivot. "I choose."

P.S. The Optimistic Outlook is a Podcast! Leaving a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts would mean a lot.