The Rule of 3 Positives

On Friday afternoon, I took my 13-year-old son to the driving range. He’s been playing golf since he was little, and like any dad who loves the game, I couldn’t help myself.

My first words were, “Get your grip right.”
My second: “Bring your feet closer together.”

The next 15 minutes were full of average shots and quiet frustration.

A friend nearby finished hitting balls, walked over, and said something I’ll never forget:
“Just remember, three positives for every one negative.” Then he added, “You’re a great golfer and positive with everyone else. Make sure you’re positive with your son, too.”

He flipped my lens.

I didn’t defend myself or make excuses. I walked back to my son and before his next swing said, “I love how still your head is through the shot.” “Your grip looks great.” “The power in that last swing was phenomenal.”

I kid you not, his next three shots were his best of the day. He smiled, relaxed, and started looking for progress instead of perfection.

So from now on I am referring to this technique as “The Rule of 3 Positives.”

The rule of 3 positives, doesn’t mean you ignore what’s wrong. It just means you look for three positive things before you bring up something critical.

This is especially important for men. We like to think of them as tough people who don’t require compliments. But it’s why compliments are so important for them. A friend said something recently that stuck with me:

“Men get so few compliments that when they do, they take it to the bank.”

It’s true. So if you have a man of any age in your life, give him a compliment today before you bring up something critical.

Leadership, parenting, and coaching all come down to one thing: helping others get better. But correction without encouragement crushes confidence. So this week, before you critique, embrace the rule of 3 positives.

You’ll be amazed at how much faster people grow when you focus on what’s right before fixing what’s wrong. And moving forward, take the lesson from my early failure on the range. Say three positives before adding something critical.

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