Nine hours in a car will test any relationship. At least it did ours.

Somewhere between Alabama and North Carolina, a simple conversation with my wife Amy turned into something much bigger. It started rough, and emotions ran high. We blamed each other. We defended ourselves. We misunderstood each other. And if I am being honest, she was probably right about most of it.

Halfway through the trip, we switched drivers. She took the wheel. I listened to a podcast.

That quiet time gave me space to breathe and think. And somewhere around forty minutes in, I came across a short reminder from Thomas Lelu in No Rain No Flowers that felt like it was written for that exact moment.

Three simple rules.

I opened Evernote and wrote it down. In that moment, I realized all three lines cut through the words. They forced me to see that things weren’t going to change because of something I said or with my best intentions. The path forward required a different kind of action.

When I looked back at that conversation in the car, the problem was not the conflict.
The problem was the gap between what we felt and what we were actually doing.

We clearly cared, or we wouldn’t have had the discussion at all. What we both needed was to listen and then modify behavior.

So here is the reminder I took from that nine-hour drive and the one I want to pass on to you today.

If you want your relationships to grow, whether it be personal or professional, choose one of the three. Show love through action. Earn trust through proof. Show your sorry through change.

You didn’t know Dr. Phil Eades was going to show up today, but maybe you needed it as much as I did.

P.S. If you’re ready to strengthen your mindset and build a more optimistic voice, my new book the Optimistic Outlook is now available. It includes 101 lessons and short stories to help you grow one day at a time. Also, a perfect Christmas present for a colleague or kid!

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